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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

MUET Academic Essay Sample March 2014

This is the edited version of my student's  academic essay. What band would you give him? Why?

(Tq Franky, SMK Majakir, 6A1'14)

Question 2: 
The trend today among youths is to own the latest technological gadgets such as mobile phones and other devices. Is this a healthy development among young people? Give your opinion. You should write at least 350 words.


        In this modern world of ours, technological devices such as mobile phones and other gadgets are no longer foreign to us. Most of the young people today are treating these luxuries as a necessity as they compete to own the latest devices, leading to the adults’ questioning whether this is a healthy or an unhealthy development for youths today. In my own humble opinion, this issue will be a never-ending argument because it solely depends on the user itself to determine their purpose of using these devices. Thus in this essay, this issue can be discussed in terms of both healthy and unhealthy development and some recommendations. 

      Firstly, with these newest devices, young people can access information wherever there are with just a touch of their fingers. This can help to expand their knowledge about the current issues of our world which will be a key role to take their mind to a higher level. They can also use these facilities to help them in their studies. All of these can help our country to produce more intellectual people which indeed is a healthy development by contributing to a more productive nation. 

      In the old days, we had to do a lot of work and research in order to finish our school assignment, which is time consuming and tiring. Now we can obtain any information we need for our assignment without having the need to go to the library anymore. This can help the students to save more time for them to do other things. Furthermore, students can also increase their efficiency of work. The government also supports this by launching the ‘Wireless Village’ programme so that both rural and urban people can access the internet without having to subcribe to any internet packages. Overall, students can perform better and become more productive in their work, so this is certainly a healthy development. 

      Moreover, young people that chase after these latest technological devices can help to strengthen the country’s commerce through the constant supply and demand of gadgets. This can help the government to focus more on developing this technology or subsidising companies in this industry as it can guarantee good profits. Besides, in line with the previous years’ budgets, the government is giving out ‘smart phone rebates’ to citizens above the age of 21. All of this can help to improve our economic level and lead to a more developed country, therefore another sign that it is a healthy development. 
      
       On the other hand, this trend to own the latest technology devices could lead to a waste of money. Even though these devices are useful to us, but the fact is that most young people are chasing the latest devices regardless of cost. Mind the word ‘latest’ as they only want the latest edition that is being released in the market almost once per year for different brands such as Samsung and Sony. In order to keep up with the trend, these young people are willing to waste their money or more accurately their parents’ hard-earned money. Instead, they could use the money for better purposes like buying books or stationery. 

        Furthermore, as time goes by, they might eventually become ungrateful for what they already have and keep nagging for new gadgets. This is unhealthy as it breeds materialism. In addition, if one did not have proper discipline within oneself while using these devices, one will easily become a victim to various addictions such as social networking and games. This can cause the young users to become distracted and greatly decrease their work efficiency. As for students, their performance at school might become affected. To add to the matter, young people can easily access inappropriate content such as porn and violent materials at a young age, unsupervised. All of this can retard their mind’s growth and become influenced by negative things. In the end, these devices become a bane to them instead of a boon to the development of society. 

      Hence, for us to fully utilise the advantages of technology, I humble share some of my recommendations. Firstly, parents play a big role as they spend the most time with their children thus they should watch strictly over their children’s usage of these devices per day by limiting it. Next, the government can work on preventing or blocking many harmful websites in our country so that young people have no access to it. 

         In conclusion, I believe that in the end, it depends on the user itself whether to abuse or to use the devices to their disadvantage or advantage. We can draw an analogy from guns – used by the police it enforces the law; by a criminal it abets the crime. It would be illogical to put the gun in jail instead of the person who pulls the trigger. Similarly, it is we ourselves that click the mouse or swipe the screen of our gadget so we must use it responsibly to contribute towards a happier and healthier development in society today.

13 comments:

  1. Great. This essay helps me a lot. Thanks :)

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    1. This essay helps me a lot ,i get 56/90 for writing part for March session 2014 muet exam but i did not pass my muet exam, i still left 9 marks in order to achieve band 3.
      I'm not happy with my result, both my reading, speaking and listening is very low mark.

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    2. I got*
      Both is for two things. not three

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  2. Is that a proper thesis statement? I have seen the previous essays, you have posted that stated Thesis statement should be very clear and outline the all the topic sentence of body paragraph. As such words like, " accessibility of technological gadgets, efficiency of completing an assignment, an economic booster, a waste in monetary state and materialism" should be included in the thesis statement. It is also pretty obvious that the stand is not clear in this essay, so will the essay gets a higher band or should it be rectified so as to get a higher band?

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    1. I asked you to grade it yourself.. I didnt say it is a perfect essay. If you can see the shortcomings then in your own essay you will know what 'not' to do, right..

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  3. Miss Audrey, if I am to argue both advantages and disadvantages in the Body paragraph, should I include my stand in the Introduction or Ending? because when I try to re-read my essay, I feel weird if I write " I strongly agree to the statement that technological advancements poison the mind of our children.", and yet I put some advantages of technological gadgets in Body paragraph after writing the disadvantages of technological gadgets. Then in Ending, I'm very confused of how to continue because if I can't say something like " somehow technological gadgets can be a boon or a bane to our younger generation" as it may sound like I did not make a clear stand about the essay.

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    1. after discussing both sides you should then be clearer about which side you side more.. then make a proper conclusion. good luck!

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    2. You can choose to adapt the neutral stand pertaining to that topic. Thank you

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  4. In my opinion, this is an above average answer. I would give it 80% of marks because there are many misspelt words. I read each paragraph and he gives valid arguments in each paragraph. Overall, good job.

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  5. good essay as it has varied vocabularies.well,im gona sit for my muet tomorrow.thanks miss for all the informations and the tips !

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  6. Miss Audrey, if I agree with the statement, should I focus on stating all my agreements or should I include the points of unhealthy development? Because the essay that you posted here include both healthy and unhealthy development. Thank you

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  7. Miss Audrey...i have been using your notes and tips for my classes since I discovered your blog. For a new MUET teacher (at the time), your blog was a godsend. I owe you so much...my students owe you so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, please keep up the good work!

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